My most Horrible Valentine Day event was 18 years ago.  I had won first prize in a Valentine Day contest organized by the Hilton Hotel in Petaling Jaya.  The Corporate Affairs VP had called a week earlier to inform me of the results and the prize I had won. 

Little did I realize that the candlelit dinner surprise and romance that was planned for that evening would turned out to be miserable.  Whilst I had always received stuffed toys, thoughtful cards and chocolates/flowers before marriage, commitments to budget, marriage, baby and a career had kept both of us apart and ignorant of how to keep our marriage well and alive. 

I had conjured up images of a romantic evening when entering that contest and had hoped that we could celebrate the event in excitement.  I had taken the day off, transformed myself into an adorable beauty with a top to toe beauty ritual.  Got my sister to babysit the kids, and secretly day-dreamed a passionate fantasy of the night ahead.  The hotel had even provided a one-night stay with a special breakfast brunch, as part of the winnings.    

 Unfortunately, my husband who is considered the primary bread-winner, is married to his job twenty four seven.  For one night of magic, I had to bribe his friend to get him to the restaurant in time for the prize giving ceremony.  Even though I had arrived without an escort, the host at the hotel made me very comfortable and greeted me with a bouquet of orchids. 

She brought me to an elegant dinner room that had been elaborately decorated for Valentine Day celebration.  There were two other winners in second and third place that sat at the same table, dramatically lighted up with candles and hand-gifts. 

The special evening saw many other couples make a grand entrance amongst cheers from home-stay guest/friends in the hotel.  Yet, even though I was smiling at being recognized as the first prize winner, deep-down I felt extremely lonely and worried about my date. 

Feeling stressed I SMSed my friend and was visibly irritated at his response i.e. he was trying his best to drag my husband out of the office, and he may not be able to fulfill his promise.  My valentine fantasy was soon turning into dread and embarrassment.  Both couples at my table were frequently asking questions about my husband.  It became obvious to the patient host that I was delaying the prize giving ceremony and dinner plans for the others. 

 As I continued to panic silently, I froze when I saw my husband forth minutes into the event.  He was dressed down, cautious and displeased about being duped into attending an unimportant, less than life-threatening commercial event.  The host, obviously sensing the angry husband, quickly got the band rolling and announced the surprised stranger & wife, as winners of the Valentine Day contest.  If there was a hole in the wall that very moment, I would have stuck my head it like an ostrich, just to hide my disheartening feelings.  I felt ugly,  feared the worst as he critized my sense of timing.  

When asked to make a loving speech in honor of his special valentine, my husband refused, stating that he was not aware, unprepared and clueless in the romance department.  I was totally speechless – wanting to walk away and die from hurt. 

Throughout the evening, my husband lusted only for his hand-phone.  He disappeared into the lobby, did not make small conversation with the other winners, was rude to the host, ignored my presence and made every excuse to get away.  I drank a hangover from the red wine served, reminiscing about why I married this man.  His sensitive qualities had set him apart from earlier boyfriends.

Nine months later, we got married.  After such a conflict free courtship, it was a shock that our early years of marriage were difficult.  Whenever we reached a stalemate – over money, his attitude or time with our families – we argued to the bitter end rather than compromise.  It was even more painful to discover that he had negative personality traits and did not know how to enjoy the small pleasures of life. 

Having promised myself an eventful evening, I decided to stay at the hotel and make the most of this special winning evening.  I invited all my married yet forgettable Valentine girl-friends to party the night away without their spouses. 

The hotel very humbly, prepared a basket of rich supper and complimentary bubbles to extend the night further.  After a noisy brunch the next morning, we reminding ourselves that this would be a memory less remembered – unless there was a “Horrible Valentine Day contest” to enter!

Today, I make every effort to enjoy significant & commercial events with my daughters.  On my desk sits a faded little card that reads: “My Special Valentine – to the best Mommy in the hole wurd”.  Then theres’ one from my husband – a man of very few words, that say: “Of course I love you – Now get me a Beer!”

SHEELA KANAGASABAI